How Psychopaths Operate in Intimate Relationships


All psychopaths follow the same strategy when operating in intimate relationships. I know this strategy well because I was in a relationship with a psychopath for around four years.

I also know other women who dated and date psychopaths. Some of them are still abused, some of them had their lives totally destroyed. Only a few manage to break out, and the only reason that they do is covered at the end of this article.

Many people mistake normal persons for psychopaths. Many humans these days display psychopathic traits because we are ruled by the psychopathic elite. The elite controls us through the media, and therefore many people have their values and behavior changed as a result of this negative influence. They become more psychopathic due to such influences, though they will never become real psychopaths. 

I think the reason the elite causes humans to become more psychopathic is so that real psychopaths could more easily blend into the society, and that humanity would no longer be able to tell right from wrong.

Real psychopaths can be recognized by their eyes. You may not be able to see anything different about their eyes at first (though that is possible in some too), but if you keep your attention on their eyes, you will eventually see that behind them there is emptiness.

Looking at their eyes can be compared to looking at the bottomless pit. You might even feel your spirit wanting to run away from what it sees in those dead eyes. Their eyes look reptilian – they are as dead as the eye of a lizard. That’s, I believe, the most sure way to tell whether a person is a psychopath or not.

The eye of a reptile

Dead eyes of a reptile

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Another way to tell whether a person is a psychopath is to look for the predatory behavior. All psychopaths, like all predators, follow specific predatory systems. For example, a spider will follow a specific way to capture its prey; so will the lion. And so will the psychopath.

The psychopaths that I know are territorial. I don’t know if it applies to all of them, but this is very likely to be the case. They will hunt for prey as lone wolves and they will have their own particular territories that belong only to them, from what I’ve observed.

The strategy that the psychopath uses to enslave a victim into an intimate relationship is as follows (though the steps may not necessarily be followed in this order):

  1. Seduce
  2. Exalt – love bomb
  3. Bond
  4. Trauma bond
  5. Entrap
  6. Use up
  7. Discard

First Stage: Seduce

(In this article I choose a male psychopath and a female victim as an example. Psychopaths, however, can be either male or female.)

When a psychopath first meets his victim, he will try to seduce her. He will do so by learning what kind of partner the woman desires. Psychopaths are excellent character readers, so they will quickly figure out what kind of partner the woman desires and he will become him. Psychopaths can read people like books; through different clues they understand whether the woman prefers a submissive boyish boyfriend, or a very mature and manly partner.

At the stage of seduction the psychopath will also try to mimic the victim so that she finds him interesting and he gains her trust. It’s now well-known through such methodologies as NLP that mimicking a person’s body language, for example, helps to form a friendly tie with a stranger. Psychopaths know this without the study of NLP. It’s in their blood to mimic the victim to gain her full trust.

A psychopath will mimic the victim in many ways. For example, he might adapt a similar dress style (formal, casual, sports, seductive). He might mimic the victim’s speech patterns, smile, attitudes, body language, and he might even use similar-smelling perfume. He may adapt victim’s values and aspirations.

What’s more, he will attract a victim through his self-confidence and looks. Self-confident people are naturally attractive, and psychopaths know that they are found attractive because of this trait. So they will try to seduce the victim through their self-confident and daring behavior.

They might also fascinate the victim by their lifestyle – which usually is extreme. They might be fast bike-riders or might be involved in anything else as dangerous as this, because they seek for such experiences so that they don’t feel dead within.

Second Stage: Exalt and Love-Bomb

At this stage the psychopath will try to impress the victim to the degree that her entire focus would be on him. He will try to become her personal hero, or, I might as well say, god. He will try to make himself into her only idol; he will try to achieve the objective of the victim thinking mainly about him.

He will go more than the extra mile for her; he may act like a perfect selfless gentleman at this stage. He may buy her many gifts. He will tell her many compliments. He will profess his undying love to her. He may tell that he never met such a special person before. He will spend all his free time with her and she will be his only source of focus.

This, of course, feels amazing and so the victim will indeed think that she is special for him. She’s likely at this stage to start falling in love with him. She will get addicted to his attention. He wants her to get addicted to it so that later on he could deny it and she would crave for it. Thus he will enslave her this way. He will use her in any way that he finds beneficial and for giving him her resources he will sometimes reward her with that much-craved attention.

Third Stage: Bond

At this stage the psychopath will share his deepest secrets with the victim. They are likely to be no secrets at all but lies, since psychopaths are liars and they only tell the truth when they think it would be of some benefit. The reason he discloses such “secrets” is so that the victim would disclose her secrets also. He does this to further bond her, and to also have something to be used against her in later stages of his evil plan.

He will also try to find out her weaknesses by careful observation and indirect questions. When people share their weaknesses with others, this strengthens the relationship bond. Another reason a psychopath would want to know the victim’s weaknesses is so that he would use them against her at a later stage to totally crush her self-confidence.

At this stage he will also try to involve her into a sexual relationship because he knows that sex deeply bonds a couple. I don’t think psychopaths feels as much pleasure as normal people do during sex, though they can fake it well since they are excellent actors.

The psychopath will try to get his victim addicted to having sex with him because he wants the victim to become addicted to him – to become his slave. He might be excellent at love-making, since he is likely to have had many victims to practice on. Sex, in my opinion, is one of their greatest tools for enslavement of the victim, since most people become easily addicted to sex, and psychopaths know it.

At this stage the psychopath will spend a lot of time with the victim to get her total trust and so that all her doubts about him disappear. Thus the victim will become fully trusting of the psychopath and deeply in love with him. And when this full trust and total love is achieved, the psychopath will deal the first blow.

Fourth Stage: Trauma-Bond

After the victim is certain that the psychopath loves her and she fully trusts him, the psychopath strikes the first blow – he either suddenly becomes indifferent, or violent, or involves her in a love triangle. He might use any other strategy too. The main purpose of that strategy, whatever one he chooses to use, is to cause intense emotional upset or shock in a victim.

He does that because of a few reasons. First, trauma bonds the victim even more to the psychopath. Now it’s quite well known that trauma bonds the victim with the person who caused the trauma. This is because the victim starts associating intense feelings experienced during trauma with the person who caused it, and this causes the bond between them to become very strong.

The same scenario can be witnessed in mind-controlled slaves when the mind-controller first love-bombs and then hurts the slave; the same can be witnessed in some rape cases where the victim becomes so attached to the rapist that she even thinks she loves him.

The second reason the psychopath uses trauma bonding is because the victim discharges intense emotional energy which he absorbs. Sine he is a dead spiritual being devoid of feelings, he enjoys feeding off the intense feelings of others.

Another reason he uses trauma-bonding is to put the victim into an altered state of consciousness. The victim gets into a spellbound state because of cognitive dissonance – the brain cannot comprehend how an absolutely loving person can suddenly turn violent or indifferent.

This is incomprehensible to the human mind because humans don’t act this way. And since most victims do not know that psychopaths aren’t humans, this causes a sort of split in the mind which puts the person in a suggestible state. The psychopath will use this state to further enslave the victim – he will use hypnotic speech patterns to rationalize his unpardonable behavior, and the victim, being in such an unwholesome state, is likely to believe in the psychopathic lies.

If a victim doesn’t understand the game of the psychopath, he may keep her in this trauma-bonding stage for years, until she loses her mind or is destroyed in other ways to the degree that he is no longer able to use her and therefore discards her.

Usually the psychopath will let the victim to recover after the shock. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he will physically leave – he will simply let her recover. He might stay with her and love-bomb her or send frequent messages in order to regain her trust.

Then, when the psychopath again gains total trust due to his unrelenting attempts to convince the victim of his innocence and love, he will traumatize the victim again. This may go on for years, until the victim is totally destroyed.

This strategy will never change, though it might take time for the trauma-bonding to be repeated depending on how long it takes for the victim to regain her trust in the psychopath.

When the victim is traumatized and decides to end the relationship, the psychopath will do everything he can to get her back. He will go through all the entrapment steps and will keep repeating them until the trust is regained. He will love-bomb her, buy many gifts, use hypnotic language to change her mind, shed crocodile tears and promise to never do it again (whatever he did).

He will send many messages or will often call. He will use such strategies every day until the victim will decide to give him another chance. And then he will strengthen the bond to the degree that the victim fully trusts the psychopath so that the next trauma causes her to again discharge intense emotional energy which he will absorb.

Fifth Stage: Entrap

At this stage (this can also be done earlier in the relationship) the psychopath will try to entrap the victim but will remain free himself. This can be done in many ways, depending on the circumstances.

For example, the psychopath may choose to impregnate the victim and thus the dependency/trap is created through the child. The psychopath may marry a Christian but then cheat her, and the Christian woman would be kept in the marriage because of her conviction that divorce is wrong. The psychopath may isolate the victim from all the friends and family so that she only has the psychopath to rely on.

Basically, the psychopath will assess the victim’s circumstances and will decide what’s the best way to entrap her so that her freedom is limited yet he himself remains free. This will allow his other pursuits to be kept secret (he is likely to have many victims as such) and will give him flexibility in seeing the victim whenever he chooses. The victim, however, might be denied such freedom.

For example, I know one Indian lady who got entrapped this way. He got sexually involved with the psychopath before marriage, and that’s a big taboo in India. Although the woman loved him and wanted to get married with him, he didn’t share the same future plans. Instead, he told her that he could not marry her because she was one year older than him (!). So the psychopath came up with a plan to get her married to his relative. She agreed.

Now that psychopath has easy access to her at any time, because he, as a relative, can visit her home without any suspicion. She, however, cannot visit the psychopath because she’s a married woman, so she cannot go to his house. This allows him to have multiple women and remain uncaught most of the times (since he has many women, she still ends up catching him).

He impregnated her and told her to abort the baby, and she did. When, during her pregnancy, she found out that he was again cheating her, she almost committed suicide.

She’s totally trapped, yet she continues to cling to him because she thinks she loves him. The reason she thinks so is because he got her addicted to sex, closeness, and she also associates intense emotions with him. Since she’s an uneducated village girl, she doesn’t understand the real causes of such a bond and therefore in her mind she thinks that she loves him.

He also hypnotizes her with his hypnotic speech patterns. Since she doesn’t understand that he’s not a human being (I tried to explain her but it just goes over her head), she continues hoping that he loves her and that he will change.

So that’s how cleverly a psychopath can entrap his victim. They are smart, and they will premeditate the best plan of action. Since they are excellent actors, their excuses to make you entrap yourself may seem as though serving your best interests, but that’s never the case. The psychopathic elite behaves the same way – they create a problem and then invent a way out of that problem that further entraps or damages humanity.

The psychopath will use different entrapment strategies on all his victims hoping to entrap them forever. Then, like a spider, he will freely move from victim to victim within his own created net to suck out their energy and money. If a few victims are located close to each other, the psychopath will try to set them against each other so that they never become friends and therefore exchange information. This way the dark deeds of a psychopath may remain undetected for years.

Sixth Stage: Use Up

The psychopath will continue using the same set of strategies on all his victims. Most victims will not find out about each other due to the psychopath’s excellent lying and secrecy skills. The psychopath will regularly use all his victims to get their emotional and sexual energies as well as money. He will give some time for the victims to recover, and then will deplete them again. He will do it as long as there’s anything left to benefit from his victims.

Seventh Stage: Discard

Finally, when some of the victims are unable to be used for some reason (old age, poverty, illness), the psychopath will discard them. He will do so in the most hurtful way, to deal a final, sometimes deadly, blow to the victim.

The victim, if she’s not aware of psychopathy, will never comprehend how a human being could be so cruel. Some victims will commit suicide. Some will start consuming alcohol or drugs. Others may self-destruct in other ways.

Some will recover, but will never be the same; as ghosts that haunt houses, the thoughts about the abuser will visit the victim for the rest of her life. Only very few victims fully recover, and these are the ones who have their priorities right, as you will read below.

Before covering the most important way to escape the psychopathic harm, let me mention another important step in healing. And that’s fully understanding that a psychopath is not a human being. A psychopath is a reptile in a human body. You can see this from his eyes and the way he behaves – in a predatory manner. When you really understand that a psychopath is not human, it will be much easier to get detached from him and heal.

The Only Way to Protect Yourself

The only way a victim can protect herself from total psychopathic destruction is by having her priorities right. That’s the reason the psychopath that I was in a relationship with was unable to destroy me. He got to the stage three, and he even tried trauma-bonding me, but that didn’t work in a way that he planned. That’s because he was never number one in my life.

Psychopaths will try to make them into victims’ personal gods. They will try to make themselves into the most important people in victims’ lives. And when victims allow this to happen, they have just based their whole lives on a very shaky foundation. When the psychopath understands this has been accomplished, he will keep traumatizing the victim until she’s totally destroyed. But if the victim refuses to make him into her idol, she may get hurt because of his inhumane behavior, but she will never be fully destroyed.

God was always number one in my life. Then came business. And only then – my ex-partner. That’s the reason I escaped pretty much unhurt.

Jesus teaches us to build our houses on good foundation. If a man chooses to build his house on sand, the storm will come, and great will be destruction of it. Yet if a man chooses to build his house on a rock, it will withstand even the worst storms. That rock is God. When you keep the first commandment of having no other gods but the Creator, you are protected from life’s hardest blows.

Even for the women who made the mistake of exalting psychopaths and making them into their personal idols, they still can be saved from total destruction. It can be done this way – whenever a woman catches herself thinking about the psychopath, she must begin praying or contemplating God. If she gets into this habit, new foundation will be laid in her life which will give her strength and protection, as well as gradual and permanent healing.

A victim must accept Jesus as her personal savior as then she will get the Comforter who will never leave her. That Comforter, the Holy Spirit, will provide all the strength and support she needs. She will heal much faster, and she will fully recover if she continue growing in the Word of God, thus having her priorities right.

People grossly underestimate the importance of the first commandment. It will literally save you from death and destruction. Never make any human being or anything else into your idol. This can only lead to disaster. Have God first in your life, and then you can place anything else after Him. This will protect you from the poisonous bite of the snake-like beings that psychopaths are.

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Comments

  1. Is there any hope for the psychopath? I know one, and I desperately need to get help for this person.

  2. No unfortunately not. I was involved with one for 2 1/2 years. It was a very tough pill to swallow that he will never ever change. It still is a tough pill to swallow but I’m so happy I escaped his deadly bite. Good luck to you

  3. Thank you, very beautifully and clearly described. Absolutely agree and you are right – they try and get you to think they are God, but thank goodness they are not. Never worship anyone or anything before the true God.

  4. This article is outstanding. I escaped the psychopath mostly undamaged because of the same priorities as you: God #1, business/responsibilities, and the ex was after that. That relationship lasted 1.5 years and ended 11 years ago.
    I recall telling him God is number one for me always.
    Priorities, yes. Thank you, I will print this for my daughter to read when she is older.

  5. I also have been involved with a psychopath for 4.5 years. We split up 4.5 years ago now ironically, and it’s only in the last two weeks I discovered he was a psychopath – by accident!! To be honest the revelation has been beautiful, at least I no longer feel like I am going mad anymore! I feel now I can better equipt myself against this reptile when he does come back again and that is to run fast and far lol And yes I have to agree with the end of this article place GOD as your number one and he will carry, protect and guide you. Tears actually came into my eyes at the end of this article as I was amazed to see God and Jesus mentioned! Even when I do not know it God Is in the mists of everything in my life. God wants all his children to be free and if you trust him he willl lead you into the truth that will set you free from any bondage through the power of his son who died for us all!! Let the redeemed say so!!
    Thank you for this article and may the Creator bless and guide you and everyone else who reads this.

  6. Fenrisw01f says:

    So I’m not sure if anybody actually pays attention to this page anymore, or comments anymore, but it was interesting to come across. As I am in a relationship with somebody. The difference is, I am the psychopath. And we thought it was kind of interesting to come across your article due to the fact that this is unlike anything else we’ve seen. One main difference though, between what you describe and how our relationship is working, is the fact that I have always been Completely open about the fact from the very beginning. In doing so has completely changed the dynamic, because they were more educated about what to expect. Men are assholes to begin with, a fact that I am completely aware of, and find myself apologizing for quite frequently. But just because you’re a psychopath doesn’t mean this is how you operate. I spent seven years working as a fraud and financial crimes investigator for the DOJ. I prefer to use my skills/techniques/toolkit, many of which can be used for exactly what you have described, to instead make trouble for people that make trouble for others. So it’s not right to write somebody off just because there a psychopath. Chances are they’ve not actually been diagnosed as well. They’re just a super manipulative douche bag.

  7. what I felt about psychopaths is bit different. as I have identified they have a charm and beauty. they seems to be very good people. their “eyes shine” pure white and clear . this is what I could identify . For normal people who have experianced pain they wont have this pure white beautiful eyes and they will use you without you even identifying as they seems to be extremely good .

  8. Stephanie says:

    Thank you thank you thank for writing this article. I suspected I was in a relationship with a psychopath. I just experienced the 3rd trauma-bonding instance in the relationship (which landed him in jail for the second time (assault)). The first time I changed/rewrote the police report so he didn’t get charged with anything.. this time he and his family want me to appear at the arraignment to drop charges.. but I won’t. This clarified so many unanswered, mind boggling questions I had. Thank you again for this

  9. This is an awesome article I came across. I am married to a psychopath for 8 years and truly became numb to his manipulations, but just last 4 years. It’s pretty easy to coop with it when you actually know what to expect. It’s kind of amusing for me now and even interesting to look what he is going to do. We both found out what was going on with our relationship after he tried to destroy me by putting in all sorts of trouble and charging me with crimes after I tried to leave him. Hopefully I recorded most of it so he got in trouble with law for lying. It was very tough and we do have a child too so it’s even worse then if it was only two of us. I tried to brake the cycle 8 times but I am a foreigner and he didn’t agree to give my daughter my citizenship so I can’t take her away and of course I won’t leave without her and he knows it. Stupid laws that you always need a fathers permission. That’s the only one reason I am still with him. He won’t allow me to work or have friends or even drive a car or talk to my family a lot and go to church, o have no support in this country, but he buys everything for me and knows that I know what he is doing so he is a little more calmer then several years ago. He knows I am numb to his manipulation and will not let him destroy my soul. I keep myself in a good shape and leave a healthy life style caring for him. Unfortunately he destroyed relationships with my parents pretty bad by telling lies about me and I was looking for an article to send to my father that he can read and understand what are we dealing with and this article is truly explaining it in a pretty easy way. I hope my father will understand me now. I pray for my husband every day no matter what, even being a soulless reptile it is exhausting and miserable life he has full of hate and lies, filthy dirty plans that won’t work on me the way he wants, having no friends or family around because he destroys everything positive. Somehow he is copping with this too, just like me.

  10. What is the difference between clinically diagnosed psychopaths and people who exhbiti traits of it. Are they all considered to be reptiles despite their difference in instability? Thank you

  11. Yashasvi says:

    Reading this article and all what you said in the article is something like I’m reading an article which describes everything i have faced and also what i really think about pyscopaths…n the line u say that pyscopaths are not humans..i truly agreee to it..even my story is the exact copy of what you have written about .this is the 1st time in my kife m finding a person who has same thoughts n ideology like me…this article is really a great one..
    N u said right if a women or any person keeps god first then god saves him…same happened with me too..
    It was nice reading this article

  12. What if you all are currently married to a Psychopath and do not realize it, you think you have walked away from all that a…nd are smarter than most, I am here to tell you that the god of religion is Satan and he was the original psychopath,truth has a way of pushing us in the right direction. About “God” while it is true that having no idols before Him will redeem us and that is a very lovely insight, but it is also true that the religious concept of “love me or burn in hell” is psychotic in and of, itself. What if I were to tell you that the god you know is Satan and it was prophesied that the world shall bow to Satan, as god and they have, did you think this would not include you? What if I were to tell you that St. Paul is a dupltictious psychopath and it can be proven without a doubt by his won words and matching those words to what was written before Shaul/Paul came along to say “[Hinneh] pay close attention you have [shamar] listened to and heard it before, BUT I PAUL SAY…” a man who called the ‘god of the book “Porneos” and admitting in his own words to being demon possessed and quoted Dionysis with his tag line “It’s hard to kick against the goad” which can be found by simply studying classic Greek lit. and matching it to St. Paul’s words, that is the character of reality of St. Paul but everyone seems to exhibit the most admirable cognitive dissonance I have ever seen concearning him and refuse to hear the facts about Paul/Appollos. Was the God of the book o unreliable that a man like Paul was needed to come and change the entire plan? Because that is what he did and I can prove it with evidence, evidence, evidence, without reason and logic God can not be known.

  13. This so true. I just broke up with a psychopath. I went through the four steps but I was able to break up with him during the trauma bond. He was furious and he felt used and abused. Thank you very much for the article because I read this article while I was trying to understand what kind of man I was with. I decided to break up immediately after reading this article.

  14. Virginia says:

    Hi all

    I am dealing with a psychopath right now and this takes place since 5 months. Yet, the first I found strange about this man, were his light-less eyes, no expression, no emotions in them, nothing. He also told me from the start, he has a diagnosis of schizophrenia, but he is under medicine functioning well.

    The other aspects were strange to me, were the character traits of him, no interest in any other people, especially men. However, I saw him (while unobserved) how he tried to get the attention of other woman, while we were out together). When I confronted him with this, he denied it was the case.

    There were many other things he does to diconnect me, of my usual success paths and social interactions with likeminded people.

    In any case I noticed these traits, outlined in this brilliant article – and kept a distance from this man. Recently I was ine month off from him, but I’ve got with him again for short. However I communicated to him, I don’t want relationship. He totally “accepted” that – just to start the “chasing” from start.

    I am so thankful for this article, I just discovered it, while lying next to him at the pool. I will be now off entirely from this person.

    Thank you – thank you – thank you! The people of God, will never get lost, but the right path it’s shown to us – and we get saved!

    V. M

  15. Thank you for this beautifully written and insightful article. The psychopath I encountered often communicated between the lines with scripture verses referencing God, which he intended to refer to himself (the psychopath). Psychopaths are all ego. There is no room for anything or anyone else. God bless anyone who crosses the path of a psychopath. If you recognize psychopathic behaviors in someone in your life, run for the hills! You’ve been warned. You will be harmed.

  16. Jim Smith says:

    What why are they embodiments of Satin. A very good study, but I have to ask, how did you identify the psychopaths that you engaged with?

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