At One Point in Your Life You Cannot Look Back

It is very usual for me to experience some sort of new development, and then to read a book explaining what that was.

That’s a common happening with natural initiations as opposed to the spiritual initiations taking place in physical schools. You have the experience, but you don’t have the theory that explains it, though when you come across the explanation, you know it to apply to you.

Thus, I’ve noticed for a long time that my memory as though vanishes. I just cannot look back. It would take too much effort to dig out past memories, because the vibration would have to slow down too much. Thus, I find it much easier and pleasant to live in the now.

It’s difficult to describe what that feels like. Jesus said “let the dead bury their dead”. He also discouraged people from looking back once they join him. In the Old Testament we find Lot’s wife turning to the pillar of salt because she disobeyed the angel and looked back at her burning city.

I love all these stories because they teach about the futility of focusing on the past. Past is past, it’s gone, and one should move on. Another good symbolism is being upset over spoilt milk – what a useless thing to do, because the deed is done and you cannot reverse it.

When you spiritually progress, it becomes easier and easier not to look back, until you reach a stage where such a thing is just not engaged in. It’s even painful for me to go through my month-old drafts to publish an article out of them, so what I’ve gotten into the habit of writing the article and publishing it the same day.

As I’ve mentioned in the beginning of this post, it’s very usual for naturally initiated people to go through some experience and then to read what that means in an esoteric book. Recently I was reading How to Know Higher Worlds by Rudolf Steiner, and it perfectly described and explained the stage I am going through, which is memory dissolving.

He teaches in the book that at one stage of spiritual progress a gift of non-remembrance is given, and it is given so that you see things as they are.

I could not agree more. Most people feel safe to have past experiences to rely on, and that’s the only way that they judge the present. But once you reach a certain stage, that support is taken away so that you see things as they really are.

Judging the present from the past reference point might seem like a sane thing to do, but it’s not quite so. That’s because your past experiences are limited, memories get distorted, and to judge the present from such a shaky ground is completely unreliable.

Yes, if you had all the experiences in the world, your judgement would indeed be right. But we all have very limited experiences. Thus, for example, if we met only one person from New Zealand, and use this as reference point to judge the people from New Zealand that we will meet in the future, it should show you how unreliable such basis of judgement is.

Therefore, to help you to see things as they are, Nature itself removes this barrier as you spiritually progress. You find yourself living in the present moment more and more, and eventually no ghost of the past haunts you.

This allows you to judge everything you meet in the present moment in the most sane way – by looking at it without any beliefs or prejudices and allowing a response to form from this pure awareness.


  1. The timing of this message has a deep & special significance for me. In fact I could hardly believe it ..that you are talking about this very thing just now.
    Because of my deep regrets of the past -even knowing that I learned valuable lessons – yet I have been unable and completely unwilling to forgive myself…. (Nor could I see any reason to, as wisdom has come so late in my life)
    Thus, this video has given me an Epiphany . It is to me as if the Creator of the Universe has just spoken through you and is giving me permission to finally leave it behind. I’m deeply grateful Simona.

  2. Dear Simona, you are spot on. This is exactly how I feel right now but i did not know the reason behind. Thanks for shedding the light on this. I have been practicing or rather trying to practice mindfulness for some time now. This disappearance of past came gradually. At first I was wondering whether I was coming for dementia…
    Besides I also find that I do not enjoy when someone shares a past incident with me whether its positive or negative. Feel its just not me….Recently I cleared a drawer of mine where all my old certificates, testimonies of all my childhood achievements were. I felt disturbed…someone else might have really enjoyed it but not me. Also all my travel photos…I don’t look at them now although they are all positive.

    • It’s not that you feel any emotion associated with it, it’s just you see that it’s dead. Or maybe you felt disturbed because you have become so different to who you were. But those two are unrelated.

      • I suppose bit of both Simona. Thanks so much. I have become so different that I find it difficult to relate to that era. Besides memorabilia evoked different emotions – which I try to do without now. It was like riding on a series of waves after sailing in the calm sea for long.

  3. Simona thanks for another interesting article. I thought I was losing my memory! I can really relate to being fully present and in the moment and not being caught up in the past (or what will happen in the future). The past doesn’t seem that relevant to me. Thanks for sharing Ene 🙂

    • So you understand. Very few do, though they think they do. That’s exactly how it feels – like the memory is slipping away, and you may start worrying it’s a medical condition:) But then you realize that it isn’t, because if you try, the memory is there, just dwelling on it requires too much effort as it slows down your fast vibration. Let the dead bury the dead.

  4. Andrew J Stacey says

    Hi Simona. As stated in a previous comment, your timing is beautiful and divine. I am a natural initiate with many conflictions as how to define my own belief system (New Age/Buddhist). I’ve had many negative situations, and when reflected upon only serve to revive those emotions attached to them. This has brought me to many low points, dwelling upon how I should’ve reacted as opposed to the (often impulsive and embarrassing) reality. I enjoyed reading this article as it brought to light my need to acknowledge past experiences, but not to relive the emotions. Thank you very much for sharing. Be well.

    • Thank you, Andrew.

    • Andrew – why do you feel the need to define your belief system? Look at the word – define. de – fine. To reduce the quality of something by labeling and thus limiting it.

      Natural initiates in our era have the blessed gift of not having to subscribe to any one system because we have access to the teachings from all.

  5. This was most pleasant to read. I’m also a natural initiate. I survived a very traumatic upbringing and early adult life however, and currently I deal with what is termed ‘C-PTSD’ by the medical community. I still have memories that I cannot (nor do I wish to) access. However, I feel that the lack of processing these memories holds them in my etheric and physical body and I sometimes struggle with alcohol consumption as a result. In general, my spiritual growth has been very ‘unbalanced’ and I only began to take it seriously when the alternative would be to decide that I was ‘schizophrenic’—and I knew I was not, even though I had heard the Earth asking for my help.

    Memories are funny things. I have never, due to the circumstances of my life, experienced time linearly—like you do now, things descend in my memory below the surface of the dark water, only to wash up again when needed.

    I am happy to see that you’ve gotten away from the Christianity memetic virus. I circled that one for a few months but had had such negative experiences with it in early life that I luckily stayed away. Even in your Christian writing period, however, you expressed the mind of a freethinker, and I found something useful in those posts as well.

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